Be the Hero of Your Own Adventure: Setting Authentic New Years Resolutions

As 2020 begins and so begins the adventure of another decade, every Guru, Master Coach and Self-Help professional will rub their hands in anticipation - as this is the prime time to leverage people’s motivation to begin over, to set new goals and make new years resolutions.

As a Psychologist with more than 20 years experience in mental health and personal development I would offer that in addition to making authentic new years resolutions, lists of life goals and intentions - I’d also recommend considering that you what you need is the self belief that you can be the hero of your own adventure.

When you adopt the mindset that YOU are the person steering your course through life, you are in a better position to action the plans you need to make those dreams and goals a reality.

Everything you need is already inside you.

Therefore, the key is to make You-centred resolutions not generic resolutions like - Lose weight, find more work-life balance, take up Yoga - while these resolutions seem reasonable on 1 January by end of February are less motivational because they are not personally salient and meaningful.

So what does it mean to set resolutions that place YOU in the centre? Authentic resolutions reflect our values. Our values help us calibrate our internal compass and they are perfect guides for setting authentic resolutions.

Authentic resolutions develop from our authentic self, that centred version of you, that holds your unique preferences, talents and desires - the real, genuine you - not the one worried about external validation or fitting in.

Most often are resolutions are based on our “social self” and what we think we “should” be committing to, rather than focussing on goals and intentions which will bring us closer to our own True North.

Creating Authentic New Year’s Resolutions in line with your own journey

It can be challenging to identify core desires but by answering the questions below you can begin to craft authentic resolutions which will be in line with your own path through life this year….

1. Determine why you’re choosing your goal. Whatever resolution comes to mind, ask why you chose it, and then - like an annoying toddler - keep asking “Why"?” For example “I’m going to workout five times every week,” WHY? “I want to lose weight” WHY? “Because I want to be in my healthy weight range” WHY? “Because I want to reduce my risk of health problems and have more energy” WHY “I want to feel healthy and less anxious about my health”.

Keep asking why “until you’ve hit on something that feels significant— something that seems more meaningful than working out five times a week. Most often, at the core is an emotion or a state of mind like peace, joy, calm or love.

2. Is the resolution kind, compassionate and loving. Punitive, shame-based resolutions are pointless. They don’t work and only make you more miserable. Ask yourself: Does the tone of my resolution sound self compassionate, friendly and supportive? This will be more effective than fear-based, fix-minded and self critical self talk.

3. Is the goal focused on the destination or the journey. If we focus on the path we are walking, rather than the destination, the chances are we’ll have a much better year and a better outcome too, in my book “The Journey of You” I discuss the importance of navigational checks and way finding where you focus on setting your True North point and then mindfully tread the path towards it.

4. Have you picked expressed values for your goals? If you have not expressed the values which are attached to each goal or resolution you should ask yourself how you could express an associated value -this will help add meaning to the goal.

5. Have you chosen goals which are too rigid or restrictive? Resolutions that focus on rigid behaviour changes (like diets) or very specific outcomes (like 20kg weight loss) are not coming from that core place of authentic self-awareness.

The problem is that these resolutions are about strict control and non-acceptance. Experience and research shows that lasting behaviour change rarely comes from using force, deprivation or external motivation, instead it comes from building mindful habits, from letting go, accepting, opening, allowing, discovering… connecting to our authentic selves.

6. Have you kept your goals open and broad. Open and broad, gentle resolutions create space for curiosity, growth and personal evolution throughout the entire year. Directional goals which indicate the overall orientation you wish to head rather than a specific set of co-ordinates will keep you navigating in the preferred direction all year long.

One strategy is to pick a one-word intention to guide the year. Like a year long theme - such as Calm, Curiosity. Courage. Compassion. You can then set the direction goal of “more calm, more compassion ..and so forth. This steers you towards that central intention all year.

7. Have you tuned into your body’s physical cues? Your body’s physical and physiological response to your resolution may be telling. As you read or verbalise your resolution to yourself what do you notice your body’s response to be. If you feel tense, restricted or deflated then this is not a supportive resolution.

8. Does this resolution satisfy both your wolves? When you consider your strengths and your weaknesses- your light and dark attributes - do your resolutions satisfy both. Chapter 2 of The Journey of You addresses the importance of feeding both your white and black wolves.

9. Do you want to make a resolution? Remember they are optional. If you don’t feel like creating resolutions this year? Don’t. If you’re feeling pressure to set a goal, resolution, intention, theme for the year, etc., I invite you to be mindful of that and give yourself permission to not make a new years resolution.

Especially, given the state of the country and the emergency situation which Australia finds itself as the new year of 2020 begins you may just want to be focused on the immediate goal of just getting through today.

For more information about being the Hero of your own Adventure - check out my book The Journey of You - available here www.journeyofyou.com